Banging My Head

I don't know what to do. See - I have a 19 year old son and for some reason (gasp) I can't seem to get through to him. It's almost like he has an invisible helmet on and when I start speaking the lil shields come down and prevent him from hearing a word that comes outta my mouth. Because he lives in a different state from me, I don't get the benefit of seeing that glazed over look in his eyes, but I promise you, I can still somehow see it through my computer screen. It's like some kind of transmission flies through the air from Kentucky to Georgia and spits itself right outta my laptop "DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE, MOM?"

He's a good kid. He has a good heart. But, boy, does he have a hard head. I've talked. I've yelled. I've cried. I've prayed. All to no avail. He thinks he knows it all and when I think back to when I was 19, I think I thought that too. I was wrong too. Of course, I had a 2 year old at that time (him) and I didn't know my ass from a hole in the ground. He doesn't have that excuse. He's carefree, young, single, responsibility-free and STILL he will not take advantage of everything he has in front of him. So what do I do? My hands are tied and my heart is heavy.

My parents always told me that someday I'd understand what it's like to have a kid that refuses to listen or take your advice. I guess I paved the way to the state I'm in via karma. Damn my 19 year old self. I'm not gonna forgive that girl too easily for what she's putting me through right now!

So for now, I'm going to continue banging my head - and remembering a time when that term meant something altogether different.